I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
