i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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