theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
