guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
