those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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