I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
