Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
