Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
