i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
