i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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