Just cropdusted the office
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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