I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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