so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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