just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
foreskin is a definite game changer
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
