Small penises have feelings too.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
