im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
