imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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