I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
