Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Every concussion has its silver lining
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
