Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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