Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She bit a glass in half.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize