sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize