one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
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she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
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I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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