Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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