I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
