I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
