fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
