Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
