Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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