she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
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how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
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Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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