Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
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My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
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Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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