My Higher Power is John Stamos
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
