meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
