Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize