When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
