Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
