there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
