these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
