before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
