I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
