I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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