oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
