I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
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I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
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Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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