and you said cock pushups were impossible
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
