I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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