Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
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He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
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i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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