i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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