No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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