Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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