My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
