My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
