Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
