I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
