this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
