puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
