oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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