:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
