Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
