he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
