I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
