you're like a bully in the Christmas story
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
