How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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