i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
