im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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