i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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