I want to have your abortion
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
