Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
