It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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