Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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