11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
