I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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