ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
