I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
